Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Ashes, One Month Old

Dear Pack Mom,

One month ago, after gallantly fighting megaesophogus for over three months, I started sneezing. There was green coming out of my nose. I knew you would be scared, but I also knew you would do what needed to be done to take care of me.

It only got worse when I couldn't catch my breath as we sped to the Emergency Hospital. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. The pain and fear coming from your entire being made me want to comfort you. I'm sorry I couldn't.

Thankfully, the people that gave me oxygen and took care of me in my final hours were nice, and caring, and very gentle with me. I know it was difficult for them to give you such a grim prognosis, and for you to hear it. You made the right choice. For me.

When they brought me to you to say goodbye, and you and Bird were crying, I hope my final kisses upon your face helped the tears dry up. Having Uncle Scott and Mother Hen there convinced me that you and Bird would make it home okay, and I was comforted by their presence.

In that moment, I felt at peace.
In that moment, I was ready to go.
In that moment, I loved you and my pack more then ever.

In that moment, we said goodbye, and I have been waiting for you ever since. But here I am no longer hungry. I'm no longer thirsty. I'm no longer trying to satiate an insatiable need. And you no longer have to clean up, or sit up, or bare the constant frustration this disease brought to our Pack.

Win-Win Mom, Win-Win. 

It is sad that my time in the Pack was cut short, but what a time it was. I love you mom, now and always. Even though I know you will never stop missing me, just remember, I will always be your dog and we will be together again.


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