The End That Finally Came

My Pack is in mourning. My best friend, my shadow, my sweet Riley Love has fallen into forever sleep.

Five months of episode after episode of regurging, another 4 lb loss in a week for a total of nearly 30 lbs, then finally green mucous appearing suddenly in his nostrils coupled with trouble breathing, and The Awful Decision I didn't know how I would make, was made for me.

It was Aspirated Pneumonia, the emergency room veterinarian confirmed. The prognosis, she said gently, was not promising. $2k for treatment during the first 24 hrs, with him being released at that time highly unlikely. "We would only be treating this episode of AP. There is no guarantee that it won't return in a month, or next week. The megaesophogus of course complicates his treatment and his hope of recovery."

This was it. Oh God Oh God Oh God. I summoned my kids while the ER staff prepared him for our goodbye.

Having received oxygen immediately upon our arrival, in addition to the stress of his separation from me, the insertion of the catheter, and the sickness that was attacking from his lungs, and my boy came to us confused, distressed, and clearly afraid.

I called him to me and he came, relieved to be reunited with his Pack Leader. Panting and breathing heavily, he looked from face to face, comforted by the presence of his Pack - perhaps realizing his fight was now going to end. Finally.

My baby. My buddy. My first dog since childhood. The puppy who saved me from heartache four years ago, the beautiful, innocent, sweet companion who never left my side was now needing me to save him - despite the heartache it would bring back to me.

Stroking him, holding him, praying for peace at last, I told him he didn't have to suffer now, that he wasn't going to be sick any more or ever again, that he could once again enjoy peanut butter kongs, meaty flavorful bones, and all the food and water he needed to fill his belly. Knowing it would never equal the heart full of unconditional love he never ceased to show me.

He licked the tears from my face, from Bird's face, and looked again at each of us as Bird rocked him in her arms, crying. Looking into the rich brown eyes already draining of life, I said good night to my boy.

There, in Bird's arms, he fell.

Oh Riley. You will be forever in my heart, your place in our Pack will always be honored, and you will never cease being my best friend.

I love you Pal.